People Will Be Who They Are, Not Who You Want Them to Be
Letting Go of Expectations: People Will Be Who They Are
Life is full of encounters that shape us—relationships with friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers in our community. Some of these relationships bring joy and growth; others challenge us in ways that are uncomfortable, even perplexing. Yet, a universal truth threads through all these interactions: people will be who they are, not who you want them to be. And honestly? That’s both maddening and liberating.
This piece dives into the art of accepting people as they are—from the delightful oddballs to the ones who test your patience—and explores how to embrace life’s unpredictability with humor, grace, and a little less stress.
The Discomfort of Realization
Have you ever admired someone from afar, only to learn, upon closer interaction, that they are not who you thought they were? Maybe it was a charismatic community leader whose words inspired you but whose actions revealed a penchant for self-centeredness. Or perhaps it was a neighbor you saw as the epitome of generosity, only to discover they’re the kind of person who borrows your garden tools and conveniently forgets to return them - ever.
It can feel disorienting to realize that the image you constructed in your mind doesn’t align with reality. Like discovering your crush does that thing you hate or that your office’s “fun coworker” is also the one eating your lunch from the fridge and blaming it on Susan. These moments can spark disappointment, frustration, and even a touch of existential dread. But hey, it’s all part of the human experience.
Hurtful and Ignorant People
Sometimes, the people we encounter don’t just fail to meet our expectations—they actively make us question humanity. They might be inconsiderate, oblivious to how their words and actions affect others, or just plain rude. Maybe it’s the guy up the street who plays loud music at 2 a.m. or the person who thinks double-parking is a birthright. It’s tempting to try to educate these individuals or, let’s be honest, silently curse their existence. But here’s the thing: some people just aren’t ready to change. And some are blissfully unaware of how much they’re bothering everyone else.
What’s the solution? Step one: resist the urge to craft a 10-point presentation on basic decency. Step two: remind yourself that their behavior says more about them than it does about you. Step three: take a deep breath and laugh it off. Because let’s face it, sometimes the absurdity of it all is comedy gold.
When Others Don’t Accept You
Then there’s the flip side of the coin. What happens when someone else doesn’t like the way you chew gum, express opinions, or live your life? Maybe it’s a coworker who thinks you’re too quiet, a relative who doesn’t approve of your life choices, or a random stranger on social media who has strong opinions about your haircut. It’s easy to feel deflated when you sense disapproval. You might even be tempted to adjust yourself to fit their expectations - DON’T!
But here’s a secret: You’ll never please everyone, and that’s a good thing. The world would be insufferably dull if we all fit into the same tidy little box. Lean into your quirks. Double down on what makes you unapologetically you. After all, the people who matter will love you not despite your differences but because of them. And the rest? Well, bless their hearts and move on.
Letting Go of What You Can’t Control
Letting go is not about giving up; it’s about freeing yourself from unnecessary stress. Step one is accepting this universal truth: you cannot control other people. Repeat it like a mantra. Needlepoint it on a pillow. Get it tattooed on your arm if you must. Once you truly absorb this fact, life gets infinitely lighter.
So, what can you do?
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no with a smile. You’re not a doormat, and protecting your peace is a power move, not a punishment.
Practice Compassion: Everyone’s navigating their own mess. While you don’t need to excuse bad behavior, a little compassion can go a long way in helping you let go of resentment. (Bonus: it’s great for your blood pressure.)
Focus on What You Can Control: Your actions, your mindset, and your playlist choices are all squarely within your jurisdiction. Everything else? That’s for the universe to sort out.
Find the Humor: When someone’s antics leave you baffled, take a moment to laugh. Sometimes, the best coping mechanism is seeing the humor in the absurd.
Allowing Life to Be What It Is
Accepting life as it is doesn’t mean abandoning hope. It means finding joy in the messy, imperfect reality of it all. Picture life as a comedy of errors where you get to play a leading role. Yes, people will disappoint you. Yes, your expectations will sometimes fall flat. But those moments are part of the human condition, and they can be oddly beautiful if you let them.
Embrace the unpredictability. Laugh at the surprises. Celebrate the people who show up as their unfiltered selves—even if they’re not what you expected. And most importantly, give yourself the grace to do the same.
A Call to Action
Take a moment to reflect:
Who are you holding to an impossible standard?
Where are you clinging to frustration when you could release it?
How can you bring more humor and lightness into your interactions?
Life’s too short to waste on trying to fix everyone around you. I myself have tried for far too long. Instead, focus on being your best self and letting others do the same—even if their version of “best” involves blatant and honest truth or questionable life choices. Write a note to yourself, journal it out, or just take a deep breath and say: “People will be who they are, and that’s okay.”
Because at the end of the day, letting go isn’t just about accepting others; it’s about freeing yourself. And that, my friend, is a freedom worth embracing.